Last Saturday was a doozy. Monthly grocery shopping to be done for my housebound father, with stops at several different stores in different areas of the city, and then some type of enjoyable outing for him, all in the pouring rain. Major shopping in the rain is not the most pleasant of tasks, but it had to be done and so time to get going!
First stop, Walmart, where the bulk of the shopping would be done. Anyone who shops at Walmart knows that when it is pouring down raining, the patience of shoppers tends to be shorter, and everyone seems to be in an even bigger hurry than usual. I was pretty happy that I had made it around the store and picked up the majority of what was needed in what seemed like record time. Surprisingly, there weren’t that many people out on a rainy day like this one, and so the usual tug of war for aisle space was not there. Almost to the checkout stand and lines not as long as anticipated. “This is going great,” I thought, “only 3 more stores to go!”
As I made my way to the checkout line, I heard a mother screaming (not yelling) at her 3 small children. I, along with everyone else nearby, whipped our heads around to look, because her screaming was somewhat frightening. Her voice felt like a slap. I was concerned for the children. The two older children ran away from her and then slowly turned to look back at their mother, fear and upset on their little faces. The youngest was in the shopping cart, crying at the top of his lungs. The energy of the situation was high and it was tense. As I took the scene in, my memory immediately went back to something I had observed at an airport years ago. Different people, different location, same situation. I knew what to do.
I pulled my cart over by the mother’s cart and smiled at her. “Do you need some help?” I asked.
She looked at me with sadness on her face and said, “I need a break.”
Smiling, I looked at the baby in the cart and started talking in a low melodic voice, telling him what a good looking kid he was, and asking him his name and age.
He stopped crying and looked at me and then down. He was a little shy. The two older children came over and said, “He won’t talk to strangers.” I advised that their mother had taught them well, and that it was good advice. I looked over at Mom, who had caught her breath a little more, and she smiled at me. She advised the little guy in the cart to thank me, which he did.
I next looked at the two older children and told them how good looking they were, smiling the entire time. They smiled back.
We started a conversation about grocery stores and rain and how trying that can be.
Smiling again, I told the children, “It’s almost over – you’re finished! You can go home now or somewhere else and relax a little – maybe even help your mom with something!”
Mom said she was glad they were finished and that she couldn’t wait to go home and rest.
By this time, the children were telling me what they liked to do, what they planned to do with their afternoon and, most importantly, everyone was smiling. The energy was changed. Mom smiled and thanked me. We parted.
I mentioned before that I learned something from a woman at an airport years earlier. The same thing happened. A mother was traveling with young children, flights had been canceled and waiting had ensued. The mother was tired, the children were running around, and Mom began yelling at her children. I observed a young woman stop, smile, and ask the mom, “Do you need some help?” She then engaged the children and allowed the energy to calm down and let Mom catch her breath.
This is something we can all do: Notice and then respond.
You can change the energy, much like in martial arts, when the sparring opponent waves the energy down with their hands. Martial artists know that energy is mutable.
Never hesitate to ask, “Do you need some help?” It could be the most important question you ever ask.
Sometimes people need nothing more than an opportunity to catch their breath.